Humour: Doctors, Bankers, Accountants and Lawyers

A little old lady went into the headquarters of a large national bank one day, dragging a large bag behind her. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the heck's the matter with your lawyer?"

"Nothing," she answered, "Except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00AM today, I'd have the president of this bank by the balls."

~*~

Three lawyers and three accountants got on the train in New York to go to a convention in DC. The three accountants bought a ticket each, but the three lawyers bought only one ticket between them. The accountants commented on the illegality of their action but the lawyers said, "Trust us -- we're lawyers."

When the conductor entered the end of the car to collect the tickets, the three lawyers got up and all went into the bathroom together. When the conductor knocked on the bathroom door, a hand shot out with the one ticket, which the conductor duly canceled.

On returning to their seats the three accountants expressed admiration for such a clever trick.
"Well," they said modestly, "we ARE lawyers."

After the convention they all entered Union Station for the return trip home to New York. This time the accountants bought one ticket between them, while the lawyers did not buy any tickets at all.

The accountants were amazed and said so.
"Trust us," the three said. "We're lawyers."

When the conductor arrived, the three accountants quickly jumped up and went into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, the three lawyers got up and headed for the adjoining bathroom. As the last lawyer went by the accountant's bathroom, he knocked on the door. A hand shot out with the ticket, which the lawyer quickly grabbed before entering the other bathroom.

~*~

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor.
"Sure; after the police leave," replied the lawyer.

~*~

"You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?"
"Absolutely! What's the second question?"

~*~

A rather frugal man asked the bank for a loan of one dollar and was told he would have to pay nine percent interest at the end of the year. For security he offered $60,000. in U.S. bonds. The banker, foreseeing a potential depositor, accepted the bonds and gave the man a dollar. At the end of the year, he was back with a dollar and nine cents to clear up his debt and asked for the return of his bonds.
Upon returning the bonds the banker asked, "I don't want to be inquisitive, but since you have all those bonds, why did you have to borrow a dollar?" "Well," said the tightfisted old gent, "I really didn't have to. But do you know of any other way I could get the use of a safe-deposit box for nine cents a year?"

~*~

A guy drives into town in an expensive car and goes to a bank. He asks for a loan of $1000 as he is in town for a week and forgot any cash and doesn't have an ATM card. The bank says "OK, but you have to park your Porsche here as collateral". He does so, and at the end of the week he hands back the $1000 plus interest of $4 for a short term loan plus processing. Curious, the banker asks why he didn't just get a wire transfer, and the man replies "Where else could I park my car for $4 for a week?"

Neo Angelique Abyss

  Anime Review:
Neo Angelique Abyss
26 episodes total; two seasons

Summary: Evil, life-draining demons called Thanatos plague Arcadia due to a lack of Purifiers, people who have the ability to fight and exterminate Thanatos. Angelique the main character is a sheltered girl who attracts the eye of Nyx, a Purifier who sees in her a possibility to bring peace to Arcadia. 

Review:
Pros: pretty bishounen who cook and are charming and considerate
Cons: the plot meanders, the music is forgettable, Angelique is naive and a bit of an indecisive crybaby

Keywords: demons, bishounen, male harem

Rating:
3.5/10
Not a bad series but is disappointing in that the only unforgettable part is the bishounen

More info:
Anime news network
Wikipedia

Anime and Manga Categories

Shonen-ai: means, boy-love. It refers to anime and manga that focus on love and romance (as opposed to sex) between boys or men (typically bishōnen)

Yaoi: boys love/ any story that includes a male/male relationship and is linked to Japan

Shoujo: anime and manga aimed at girls (ex. romance- related Fruits Basket)

Josei: anime and manga aimed at mature women (significant proportion appears to fall under the category of "yaoi")

Shoujo-ai: features romantic ties between female characters, focuses on the relationship and often doesn’t contain any explicit material

Yuri: pornographic manga/anime featuring women with women

Shonen: anime and manga aimed at boys (ex. action- related Naruto)

Seinen: anime and manga aimed at mature men (tends to be more strongly rooted in reality, with many incidental details added to heighten the sense of realism and even fantasy elements being subject to a strong "realistic" logic)

FML its just not my day today

couldn't stop making errors, had a traffic snafu and want to hit something

man in crosswalk

wild visitor

Inside Out -- eve 6 (running through my head)

I would swallow my pride,

I would choke on the rinds,

but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside,

swallow my doubt

turn it inside out

find nothing but faith in nothing.

Want to put my tender heart in a blender,

watch it spin 'round into a beautiful oblivion.

Rendezvous, then I'm through with you



I burn, burn like a wicker cabinet,

chalk white and oh so frail.

I see our time has gotten stale.

The tick tock of the clock is painful,

all sane and logical.

I want to tear it off the wall.

I hear words in clips and phrases,

I think sick like ginger ale,

My stomach turns and I exhale.



I would swallow my pride,

I would choke on the rinds,

But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside.

I would swallow my doubt,

turn it inside out,

find nothing but faith in nothing.

Want to put my tender heart in a blender,

watch it spin 'round into a beautiful oblivion.

Rendezvous, then I'm through with you.



SoCal is where my mind states,

but it's not my state of mind.

I'm not as ugly, sad as you.

Or am I origami?

Folded up and just pretend,

demented as the motives in your head.



I would swallow my pride,

I would choke on the rinds,

but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside.

I would swallow my doubt,

turn it inside out,

find nothing but faith in nothing.

Want to put my tender heart in a blender,

watch it spin 'round into a beautiful oblivion.

Rendezvous, then I'm through with you .



I alone am the one you don't know you need

take heed, feed your ego.

Make me blind when your eyes close,

sink when you get close, tie me to the bedpost.



I alone am the one you don't know you need,

you don't know you need me.

Make me blind when your eyes close,

Tie me to the bedpost.



I would swallow my pride,

I would choke on the rinds,

but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside.

Swallow my doubt,

turn it inside out,

find nothing but faith in nothing.

Want to put my tender heart in a blender,

watch it spin 'round to a beautiful oblivion.

Rendezvous, then I'm through,

now I'm through with you



through with you



rendezvous then I'm through with you..